What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
