It's Friday. Sex?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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