She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
