I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
