How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
