I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
