You're completely useless in the revolution.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
