Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
