ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
