Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
