im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
