I am spending my child support on dildos
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
