No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
