I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
