No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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