All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize