I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
