Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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