It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
