The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
