Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
