i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
