She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How does one acquire holy water?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
