so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
