he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I want to be your penis for a week.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
