I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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