Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
