Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
