I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
