its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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