i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
