omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
