you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I didn't notice because vodka
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
