he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
