I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Found the puke drawer
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
