I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
