I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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