you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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