I'm lost and stupid without you.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
