just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
