wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
