Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I want a musical about memes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
