Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
