guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
