Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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