awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
