Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
