How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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