So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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