There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
