How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
