I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
