NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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