I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
