flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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