So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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