I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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