we have pet lesbian snakes
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
All the doctor said was why
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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