Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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