he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
