someone threw a dead crab at me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
