I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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