I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
