Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
