I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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