It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The power of my boobs compel you
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
