I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
