I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
