I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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