doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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