My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
