Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
