So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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