Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
