8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your penis caused this!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
