Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
