Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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