just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
